Shodai Hokage Madara
by Lucillia
Summary: The deskbound adventures of one Uchiha Madara who lived in a universe where the selection of the First Hokage went the other way.
1. Chapter 1

The crowd stood outside of the brand new administrative building waiting in ever-increasing anticipation. The first leader of the shinobi of the newly founded village of Konoha was being selected, and the formal announcement would come at any minute. After what seemed like an eternity, the door to the building opened and a group of people walked out, one of them was wearing a set of specially designed ceremonial robes. With the way the man was standing, the specially crafted hat of office obscured the man's face.

Speculative whispering wended its way through the crowd. There had been several candidates for this special position, but only two had any real chance of being elected. These two were the respective heads of the two clans that had come together to found the new village, Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Madara.

One member of the group that exited the new "Hokage Tower" broke away and stood before the crowd, preparing to make a rather important announcement.

"I am pleased to introduce you to your First Hokage, Uchiha Madara" the man announced to the cheering crowd once he was in position.

With those words the newly elected Hokage removed his hat rather dramatically, revealing his face to the crowd, his Sharingan eyes blazing brightly.


	2. PaperworkWell Done

Uchiha Madara groaned as he dragged himself into his rather nicely appointed office. He had spent the last week in bed recovering from a rather nasty bout of the flu, and was still feeling somewhat awful, but there was work to be done.

The first thing he noticed when he arrived was the paper. There was more paper than he had ever seen in one place in his entire life. Stacks of it covered every available flat surface of the room including about half the floor. He had a sneaking suspicion that that Senju Hashirama was behind this. He didn't know anyone else that could produce such a vast quantity of paper.

Deciding that he didn't want to deal with this apparent prank so early in the morning, he formed the seals for a Katon Jutsu.

Moments later, the paperwork was gone as was the brand new desk. The room was also a blazing inferno.

On second thought, that hadn't been a particularly bright move.


	3. Dumb Academy Idea

Madara found himself looking at a trio of horrified faces after he outlined his plans for Konoha's new Ninja Academy to his council of advisors.

"Are you really sure you want to do that?" Senju Tobirama - who had been appointed to his council of advisors for political reasons - asked.

"If you have students killing each other as part of the graduation exam, it's possible that they'll come away with the message that treachery is a desirable trait rather than the message that only the strong survive, and what's to prevent them from deciding to turn against the village as they had been turned against their comerades?" Tobirama continued.

Madara barely kept his jaw from dropping when he finally processed the younger Senju's statement. Why the hell hadn't he even considered that?

"Good point." he finally conceded. "Does anyone have a better idea?"


	4. Mission Asssignment for Hashirama

Madara had been having a particularly bad day. It had been raining cats and dogs that morning, and his umbrella had chosen this particular trip to work to spring a leak. When he arrived, he found that his desk was once again covered in massive piles of paperwork. During his all too brief mid-morning break, he had dropped a cup of hot tea on his lap. Now, he found himself being bored to death as he did some work in the Missions Assignment office.

To make matters worse, Senju Hashirama - who was wearing the brand new Jounin uniform - had just shown up with his trio of bra-...er, students in tow.

While he practically gloated about his position as Hokage every time he saw the damnable Senju, he was honestly regretting letting himelf be roped into it and was dying behind his stupid desk - he was a man of action damnit - and Hashirama apparently knew it. The insufferable man had made it a point to make some snide little comment every time he saw him.

"I'm here for a vaca-...er, C ranked mission with my students." Hashirama said when it was his turn to draw an assignment.

He knew doing so was exceedingly petty, but he picked the worst C ranked mission available. He found himself picturing the Senju jerk running away from the Kyuubi that was held in reserve for the protection of the village as if his ass were on fire as he picked up the mission scroll and chucked it at the man's head.

It missed.

Figures.


	5. Away to Battle

Madara groaned as he returned to consciousness, and pulled away the open scroll that had adhered itself to the side of his face. If he'd known that war would create this much paperwork, he would have Tsukuyomi'd the dumb bastard that had started this one until his brain leaked out of his ears before he had gotten a chance to do anything.

That was it! He was heading out to the front lines, paperwork be damned!

Senju Tobirama snickered as he passed, probably because of the fact that ink from the document he'd been sleeping and apparently drooling on had transferred to his face.

"Laugh it up while you still can!" he yelled to the man. " 'Cause guess what, you're my successor when I die."

The smile dropped off of Tobirama's face rather quickly. He knew that his "Advisor" had seen the long hours and paperwork that piled up very quickly. And to think, if he managed to die on the battlefield say a month from now, that bastard Senju would be stuck dealing with the backlog of paperwork that would no doubt completely fill his office.


	6. The Hero's Reward

Madara groaned as he walked along the trail that the secretary had thoughtfully made through the paperwork and made his way to his desk. He'd survived and actually won the war alongside that damnable Senju Hashirama and his brother. His reward for doing so?

This.

The paperwork had indeed filled the office when he returned.

Senju Tobirama showed up at his office door.

"I was going to ask you something, but it can wait since you're obviously busy." Tobirama said with a smirk.

"I have half a mind to kill myself and leave you to deal with this mess." he said as he picked up a report that had needed to be seen to yesterday.


	7. Guess What!

Madara groaned as he awoke to a two and a half year-old jumping up and down on him as if he were a trampoline. He wasn't as young as he used to be, and yesterday had been a very long day.

"Unca-Madara! Unca-Madara! Guess what!" the little brat said as her little foot landed on a very sensitive area.

"What?" he groaned as he resisted the urge to curl up into a ball.

"Nuffin." the brat said before giggling.

He barely resisted the urge to strangle the child. Why he'd granted Hashirama's son's request to be his daughter Tsunade's godfather, he didn't know.


	8. The Seal

Madara smiled as he painted the final brush stroke on the seal that was the culmination of his life's work. A life in which he'd dominated the Senju to a degree, survived three wars, several generations of Uzumaki wreaking havoc on his village, and being Senju Tsunade's godfather.

As he got up from the floor, he was hit by a number of aches and pains in his various joints and the scars that Mito-sama had given him when he'd nearly disappointed her precious baby boy by saying no to his request that he become the godfather of the man's children.

If this worked, he would save himself a great deal of pain. If it didn't work, he'd be dead, and that Orochimaru brat would get his office. Either outcome was a bonus as far as he was concerned at this point.


	9. Epilogue: Shodai Hokage Hashirama

Hashirama and Tobirama stared down at the letter that had been waiting for Hashirama on his desk along with a pile of paperwork pertaining to building permits when he arrived.

_Dear Senju Bastard, _It said.

_Congratulations on becoming Hokage. Now Suffer! Suffer! Suffer! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_Sincerely,_

_Madara._

Beneath the note was a picture of a chibi Uchiha Madara in Hokage robes that was giving him an obscene hand gesture.

"Madara's lost it." Tobirama said.

"I kinda figured that when I learned that the ballot box had been stuffed with a thousand votes that were in his handwriting." Hashirama replied.


End file.
